Visual Poem: Divine Connection

In collaboration with artist & friend, Ngoh Shian Bang

It has taken me a long time to be able to share this reflection, particularly because of how vulnerable it is. Nonetheless, it is a part of me that I wanted to honour and externalise through words and pictures. This visual poem series is a collaboration with Singaporean photographer Ngoh Shian Bang. It is titled Divine Connection and is an ode to a connection with my Higher Self. This written reflection details the inspiration, intention, and process of creating this work with fellow artist and dear friend Shian Bang.

Inspiration

While meditating one day, a vision formed in my mind’s eye. In this dream, I found myself being led up a steep hill and holding the hand of someone who patiently guided me up the rocky terrain. I lifted my head to see that the person holding my hand was me. She walked slightly in front of me, and with a firm yet gentle grip of my hand, we ascended the hill together. I was in complete awe of her. She was everything I wanted to be—the best possible version of myself; fearless, compassionate, and wise, gentle yet strong, open-hearted yet certain, and completely at peace with who she was.

A Greek pantheon constructed of white stone stood atop the hill. A long pool of water stretched from the entrance to the exit. My higher self invited me to step into the pool, and directed me to participate in a self-baptism. She held my hands in hers, looked me in the eye, and told me that she loved and accepted me for who I am: “It’s okay to be so emotional, it’s okay to be who you are. You are enough, and you don’t need to be any less or more than who you are.” As I stepped into the pool, my body split open like a banana, and a few layers peeled open to reveal a small glowing light within. Once the ritual was complete, my body closed back up, and I exited the dream. These were the words I yearned to hear, and it was the first time that I said them to myself.

This was my first encounter with this other version of my Self. The entire experience touched me deeply, and I woke up sobbing intensely from this dream. There are times where I have felt like my sensitivity is too much, or my achievements are not enough. But this profound encounter washed over me like an immense deluge. Something flowed within me that day, and it nurtured a deep sense of self-acceptance. In the days that followed, I envisioned myself meeting her at the Greek Pantheon for advice and guidance. I met with her so frequently, and our relationship grew to the point that I started to internalise her sense of confidence and wisdom. In a sense, the Greek pantheon has been firmly built at the center of my heart, and it has become a sacred sanctuary that always exudes peace. At this point in my life, I identify more with the version of myself that was the guide, rather than the one being led. I have entered a phase in my life where the sanctuary of my heart is firm enough to be a sanctuary for others.

The creation of this series of images is an ode to my higher self, a gentle spirit that guided me to be who I am today, and it is same spirit that I hope to embody in life. In my mind, she exudes a sense of divinity, because she is vulnerable yet powerful in the ways that she embraces the flow of life and honours being instead of doing. Amidst the many voices of our parents, society, peers, bosses, our own expectations, shoulds, shouldn'ts, and sense of self-worth that control us greatly, this series taps into a voice so soft, like a whisper, that accepts, honours, loves, and heals. It is a voice of love rather than one of fear. What would this voice look like if I were to create an image of her?

When you contact the Higher Self, the source of power within, you tap into a reservoir of infinite power.

Deepak Chopra

Process

The process of creating this visual poem was highly intentional and precious. I set out to create a series that was not attached to any purpose of achieving high grades, creating an exhibition or pleasing anyone else. This series was one that honoured an inner voice without an external pressure.

Shian Bang and I set an intention to portray my higher self in a way that was inspired by pre-raphaelite art and a mutual love for fine art oil paintings. From a vast selection of textiles, we chose tulle for its translucency and volume. With inspiration from how this higher self reminded me of a lotus that rose above the mud on a tall stalk, unsoiled by any circumstances around her, I decided to use lotuses in the set. I purchased them from a local shop, where two strangers taught me to fold lotus petals. As we stood there, silently folding lotus petals for what seemed like a long time, a sense of connection and comfortable silence transcended differences in race and language. The experience was moving.

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Set-up & visual elements

I was introduced to a fellow creative named Marie at at Goodman Studio, who helped put together the photography set at the site. We set up the props, scattered the lotuses and draped the fabrics rather intuitively, and everything seemed to fall into place organically.

Shian Bang chose a glowing orange backlight to befog the ambient light and fill the scene. He referenced the use of warm light in traditional paintings, which heightened a sense of divinity and holiness in pre-raphelite visual storytelling. Shian Bang also used haze to create a volumetric quality to the light- He was able to paint with photography using the light’s enchanting interaction with the natural fog. His love for volumetric light was inspired by his travels, movies, and in particular, the video game Stalker, which uses it to heighten the atmospheric tension in visual storytelling.

The purpose of detailing the inspiration, intention, and process is to reveal that connection is intrinsic to the human experience. All the preparation, collaboration, and art-making reflect a divine connection that extends to others just as it has been extended within myself.

Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone's hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours.

Vera Nazarian